Miriam!

Wow, the deli lady was right, this pasta salad IS off the chain.

Abby and I saw three firetrucks at Taco Bell today, and,
Me: "Woah, what's going on at Taco Bell, someone eat their seven layer burrito?"
Abby: "Shit...those aren't even spicy."

Turns out they probably just wanted tacos.

Remember the time we went to the cemetery?

I know, we've gone to lots of cemeteries lots of times. I mean the first time we went to visit my gramdma Jo. It rained the whole way up, like three hours, and then when we got there it just sprinkled while the sun was out.

She was beautiful, my grandma Jo. Josephine Butcher. Wife, mother, stage performer. She was elegant. Regal! Her 'performing tonight!' posters make her look like one of those black and white stars that seemed so far removed from the average schlub that she was divine. You know the type - like Greta Garbo.

She had this voice that was just...just stunning. Well, I guess it'd have to be, she was a famous singer, after all. And she could sight read! Look, you know I can tinkle around on the piano a little, I know a few songs, and I can even work out what the notes are on something I've never seen, but it takes me some time and practice to make it sound like music. Grandma Jo...you could put sheet music in front of her that she'd never laid eyes on in her life and she'd just play it. She could read it like reading a book, and play it like she was tapping away at a typewriter, and it would sound perfect, every time. She was like a musical savant! I can barely remember that Every Good Boy something something.

She was a hard woman, I've been told, but she sure loved her grandkids. She did not like mom. And mom's dad didn't like dad, obviously. Their babies were far too good for one another. But grandkids tend to bring out the best in bitter old people who had bigger dreams for their kids.

Anyway, we went to the cemetery, and...I dunno, I was just thinking about it. Cemeteries are nice on their worst days, but during a faint sprinkle, with the sun hitting the grass and making it shine, it was especially peaceful and pleasant. Or I thought so, anyway. Afterward, we went to a local cafe and bakery with brick walls and Edison lights. I bought a French silk pie to bring to my mom, and we listened to indie folk on the way home. Not the whole way, there were some 80s tunes mixed in.

All in all, I thought it was a really good day.

The evening was a little warm, and a little sticky. But there was a cool, pleasant breeze that didn't blow smoke in anyone's eyes. It was Miriam's first bonfire of the year - well, it wasn't hers per say. It was the first this year she'd gone to. She and Hady were in folding chairs, and Hady's young daughter was using hedge clippers to gather and strip some good long bamboo shoots for marshmallows. Bobby and Stacey, who were hosting, sat opposite, and Stacey's mother was talking to Hady's mother about how much they disliked Common Core math.

"...so now you've got all these parents who don't know what they're looking at!"

"I know, and it's so disillusioning to the kids, too. They'll find out their parents aren't perfect later, there's no need to break their worldview when they're only nine."

"I know! It's not even necessary, it's just a little mental trick most people learn on their own as they grow up and start needing to make change in their head for their cup of Starducks."

Miriam tuned them out by watching the crackling fire (which was contained in an upcycled dryer drum) listening to Bobby's stories about weird customers until she was offered a stick and the marshmallow bag. "Isn't anyone who goes into a Spencer's a little weird, though?" She asked, skewering two fat marshmallows on her stick.

"Yah, bro, sure, but a bucket of ketchup?"

"I mean.....you and Cheddar Wizzy."

"Check mate, Mimsy."

"Hey where's Bradley? I thought you two would ride together, isn't he coming?"

"Oh, nah, he couldn't make it. Lots of essays to get through. I'd guess that right now, he's either grading, or winding down from grading."

"Hey - Isn't bamboo invasive?" Hady asked, turning the shoot over in her hand.

Stacey answered her, "It is! But it makes great skewers. It's sturdy, but nice and bendy, and the green ones don't catch on fire as easily. Speaking of skewers, you know that it grows so fast that it's said to have been used as a method of slow and painful execution in East and South Asia? There's no historical evidence to back it up, though, just anecdotes- Oh, Mir! Your marshmallow's on fire!"

"I know! I like it that way."

Hady rolled her eyes, "She has this whole thing about the perfect marshmallow."

"It's an art, Hadassah." Miriam sniffed, carefully sliding the crispy confection onto a graham cracker and blanketing a piece of chocolate in it. "The trick is, you want it to melt in the middle without catching on fire early. Too long, and it wants to fall off. You have to get it to catch on fire at just the right moment for it to be crispy and caramelized on the outside, and hot and squishy on the inside."

"I know there's a dirty joke in there somewhere." Bobby lowered his glasses as Stacy punched him in the shoulder. "You're a dirty joke."

"You were right, Stacey, this is a really good stick." Miriam said, seeming to have ignored the exchange. "It's so long and thick. Hefty, even."

"And hard." Hady supplied with a grin and a nudge.

Bobby watched the next marshmallow start to cook and couldn't resist. "Your tip's swelling up, too."

Caught completely by surprise, Miriam burst into raucous laughter. "I didn't think it could get better, but it did!" She was too busy laughing to make her next s'more, so Hady made it for her, this time with a peanut butter cup.

"Oo! Oh, oh what's this?"

"Reeses s'more," Hady said around a bite of her own.

"Good, right? They're Bobby's favorite. I never would've thought of it, but it turns out you can put any kind of candy in a s'more."

"You should try Twix, dudes."

"Sounds like it negates the need for a graham cracker."

Bobby shrugged. "No one needs any part of a s'more, babe, make 'em how you like 'em. Enjooooy it!" And he crammed a handful of melted marshmallow and peanut butter in his mouth.

"That's so wise..." Stacey sighed.

Miriam and Hady just grinned at each other.

I just spent two hours waiting in the rain for tacos and I'm not proud of myself.

But! Now that I'm home, I plan on not being in a sour mood or rage eating. I'm going to enjoy them (and a margarita, and some company) and a movie.

Saw an absolute genius on the WWW talking about J.R.R. Tolkien's real name being Jolkien Rolkien Rolkien Tolkien. I think I'm going to try that on my nephew, since he's reading The Lord of the Rings. Wish me luck keeping a straight face! It should be almost as easy as convincing a room full of drunk freshmen that they had to eat ten gallons of beans and weenies to sober up.

That reminds me! Back in the day, there were barstools at one of the frat houses that looked like sexy legs and I've always wanted to find one. Turns out they're like $300. No set of gams is worth that much.

Damn, Artnet! I want to see these in person. Who wants to see these things in person with me? I am loving that grinning executioner's mask (scold's bridle?).

Kind of glad dinner's over, because DAMN, Artnet. You're a freak! I ought to show Hady, she is going to barf when she sees that leg.

Stuff like that reminds me that my bookshelf could use some more unsettling indie novels.

Ok, ok, ok, so guys, you know how we won the bagel lottery, right? So day before yesterday....I forgot to get my bagel. I cried and cried and cried (no I didn't, I'm making that up). And then YESTERDAY, they were out of bagels! I can't even. The guy was all, 'you can come back tomorrow for it,' but see, guys, that would mean using tomorrow's coupon...for tomorrow's bagel. See where this is going? No free bagels, that's where. So I said, 'what if there's no coupon tomorrow?' And, y'know, it's a legitimate question, I don't know how long free bagels lasts. What I do know is that I want my two bagels. (Today's and tomorrow's.)

So get this, journal. The guy goes ahead and rings up the bagel, uses the daily coupon, and writes down TWO bagels on the receipt to bring the next day. Not only that, but I DO have a coupon today!

So here's the plan. It's a little unscrupulous. I'm going to get those two bagels...and then...I'mma come back later to use today's coupon and get another.

Don't look at me like that, I am desperate, we have no bread.

I'll let you know if it worked later.

First post, I'm so excited! I know these have been around awhile, but I've never had one. HELLO, WORLD!